Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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