Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
