Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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