dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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