i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
