Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
