I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Randomize
