Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
