Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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