it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
