I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
