I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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