and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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