I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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