Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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