You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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