Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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