i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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