She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
