I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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