Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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