kristin has been a bad kristin
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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