those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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