"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
