I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
