I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
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You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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