that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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