True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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