yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
