You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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