Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
