I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
