Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
