I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
