My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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