It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
