Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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