More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
