Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
