She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
