The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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