I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
two words...techno handjob
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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