I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
