my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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