I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
