Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going