im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
