I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking