Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

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  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (47300) Bad night (2294)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own

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  (864): i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own http://tfl.nu/koat
  Replies (13) Good night (693) Bad night (4015)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.

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  (603): I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter. http://tfl.nu/ujkx
  Replies (6) Good night (8890) Bad night (1151)
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.

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  (805): I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now. http://tfl.nu/p09l
  Replies (6) Good night (4335) Bad night (1367)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.

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  (303): Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary. http://tfl.nu/tm81
  Replies (18) Good night (1051) Bad night (1715)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...

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  (504): But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude... http://tfl.nu/qh38
  Replies (8) Good night (1716) Bad night (1061)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"

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  (270): My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50" http://tfl.nu/q36v
  Replies (11) Good night (1825) Bad night (531)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag

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  (905): today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag http://tfl.nu/a7zv
  Replies (5) Good night (1591) Bad night (704)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?

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  (703): And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother? http://tfl.nu/q108
  Replies (3) Good night (578) Bad night (1006)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.

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  (309): Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back. http://tfl.nu/c0o1
  Replies (4) Good night (1123) Bad night (468)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.

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  (773): Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment. http://tfl.nu/iyng
  Replies (3) Good night (278) Bad night (694)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.

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  (561): I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left. http://tfl.nu/6w8g
  Replies (4) Good night (963) Bad night (250)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage

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  (774): Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage http://tfl.nu/jljf
  Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (235)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester

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  (305): I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester http://tfl.nu/9j7i
  Replies (4) Good night (737) Bad night (212)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling

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  (412): Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling http://tfl.nu/2zhp
  Replies (0) Good night (402) Bad night (192)

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