Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
