Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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