when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.