"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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