Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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