Me. At least after what I've been through.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
