I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
