Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
