I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
