shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
