final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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