Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize