what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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