Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
NoShamevember. You game?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
