apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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