you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
