I bet he comes in French.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
