You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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