I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
