forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
