why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
