can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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