I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize