Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
