I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
