News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
