Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
