Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
