Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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