My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
