He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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