i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
