just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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