Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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