I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
